So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
