Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
