dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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