I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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