two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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