so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
