This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
