oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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