I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
