I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
