a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
