K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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