Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We just shotgunned beers for America
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
