my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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