My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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