I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
