He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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