i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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