thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
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