please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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