I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
FUCK WHALES
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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