I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
