still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There are leaves in my underwear?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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