All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
