remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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