There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
