just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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