Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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