i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
