hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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