I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
