There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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