You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
