I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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