and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
