She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
