so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
