I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
