yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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