My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
