The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
