At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
