so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
