Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
