Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Damn victory sex feels great
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
