she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
