the condom got lost in my hair
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boobs are out for the taking
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
