I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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