yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
