Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
